Single Christian Women & Marriage

I wasn't going to touch this with a 10-foot pole, because I truly believe in the individual and am saddened by a world - particularly insecure men and women - who take a mega-phone to the streets talking about "why christian girls remain single", without walking half a mile in those girls' shoes.

After a close friend sent me this blog post, "

5 reasons why many christian girls remain single

", my stomach really turned. Some women may be Sarah, but in my experience, that's not most women. I realized that if I don't write this, then perhaps no one will, and too many young girls will wind up further misunderstood and attacked because of this thinking.

Source:

lovecoversall-godislove.blogspot.ca/2014/06/single-christian-women-marriage.html

A Day in the Life of a Christian Girl, Woman

Ages ~5-12

My disclaimer: what you're about to read not everyone's story, but it's the story of many women I grew up with, and have spoken to, to-date.

From the time you wake up, to the time you go to bed, you're taught that you must keep improving. You always have to be better, quieter, smarter, stronger, more humble, kinder, cleaner, more lady-like (no clear definition there), the

Proverbs 31 woman

. Without ever saying it, they teach us, essentially, to be a doormat.

You wake up thinking about the mistakes you will not make today, and go to bed ashamed of all you did wrong that day.

Ages ~12-18

Then, out of nowhere, puberty begins, and you have to "learn to say 'No'". No one quite explains the application of this 'learning to say No', when all our upbringing is about 'meeting with everyone's approval' or, essentially, "saying 'Yes'" to everyone. In fact, you've always been disciplined for saying "No". "No" is a word reserved for the rude, impolite, ill-trained among us. Still, that's the expectation.

Yet, we are to continue to be above everyone's reproach, which essentially teaches us that everyone's opinion of us is valid and important, further teaching us to assume that everyone's mind is sound enough to have a valid opinion of us; opinions that we must keep positive at all times. How do we "be" all of this and say "No", again?

Ages ~19 Until We Reprogram Ourselves

The answer? We don't learn to '"be" all of this and say "No"'. Hence, we have a society of women walking around "

addicted to approval

" and willing to do anything to get it - from everyone. Remember, 'doing anything' ranges from isolating ourselves so we never sin, to delivering on the depraved desires of society's most perverse minds, all in the hopes of one day receiving that approval. For the purpose of this blog post, we'll look at those prone to "isolating ourselves so we never sin" - as these tend to want perfect husbands.

Even God says that humans are insatiable. As a result, we cannot ever please everyone. We can't even please one person! Many don't know, and may never learn, this. Even when we know this, it takes time to undo years of programming.

The result: our families must also be 'above reproach' to the world. Our husbands, therefore, must have the same goal. The double-standard we raise our society with, however, means there are few men who were raised with this kind of burden. Men are then encouraged, by older men and women alike, to label their female peers: Frigid, B--tch, Crazy. Do you see where the devil has succeeded in destroying the family? Can you see where it starts?

Worse, with the constant fear driving Christian society to "keep boys and girls apart", Christian adults are learning about each other from media, books, misinformed adults and everything except conversation. We cannot relate to each other.

Are You Getting The Picture?

THAT is the challenge single Christian women face. Many of us will not get out of that loop. Can you imagine constant fear of losing God's love, your salvation, fear of going to hell, all because you 'slip up'? Marriage is also the one thing you can't 'undo'. Try living with that burden on your shoulders before you walk around spitting fire at 'single christian women'!

The Solution

So then you understand even more the soothing waters of the river of life that stems from Christ, for a woman who's lived the life above. "You mean I'm loved regardless?!" We still don't grasp it, but it's a flicker of hope! Jesus Christ means more to us than anything!

Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6)

We're called to please or answer only to God. In fact, He doesn't even call us to please Him. That's impossible. He calls us to surrender (

Matthew 6:24-34 ESV

), so He can

shower us with His Love

, which is what changes the desires of our hearts.

To Future Husbands

You can wallow in the insecurity of rejection, or you can decide whether or not this girl is worth it. Pursuit is not "aye girl. I like you." Particularly for the girl above, it is hard work. And unlike you, Jesus was willing to do it. You have had the good fortune, some of you, to grow up accepted as you are. Find a way to teach her what that feels like.

Remind her that marriage is not about marrying the man who is better, more intelligent, stronger, more humble, kinder, cleaner, more manly. Help her, through relationship, to see that marriage is about partnering with your provider and protector, who is very much human, and needs her to help him excel. Just as she needs you for the same.

Encouragement & Caution

Pray for each other. Prayer truly is powerful. This is what conquers the enemy and his attacks against our families. Pray, and keep praying in faith.

Young Men

I am not saying to take abuse. If someone is always calling you "no good", and critiquing you, you might have to run.

However, do not run because it's hard. Decide that she is worth it, and commit. You show her that you love and support her regardless of anything, and the person you pursued because of whatever intrinsic qualities you saw, will reciprocate. Place no conditions on your love for her, and she will reciprocate. She truly is worth the fight.

That is how I found my husband-to-be. He is not what I dreamt of, but he's so much more. I was swept off my feet by a man who emulated God in ways of love that I could never fathom. He has loved the unloveable in me, and nothing speaks louder of love.

Young Women

Likewise, do not suddenly drop all of your standards and say "God can fix anything, so I can marry anyone and God will make it work."

However, stop running the course they put you on. Turn of the recording of "I must be perfect", He must be better" and the other nightmares that reel on in our heads. God is not going to punish you for marrying a man with 'more flaws than you have'. God will use your strengths to uplift (not criticize) him in those areas, and (believe it or not) vice versa. Trust me. God really only shows us what we can handle. We have far more flaws that we will ever see all at once. He is just kind to us about it because He loves us.

Please, please, when you turn it off, try to stop seeing all that's wrong and needs fixing - with him and with yourself - and ask: Can I build a life in Christ with this man? Are his values the same, even if we falter? Just as he sticks with you, stick with him. He's worth it.