Focusing on yourself is not selfish

"I keep saying, ‘not everything in quotes is fact’. For example, it is not always true that focusing on yourself, drawing inward, is selfish. Helping is not how everyone heals" — Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, Mom

I say that to include things I quote, myself. My invitation—with anything you encounter from me, experts, gurus, advisors, coaches, other consultants, parents, etcetera—is always to honour your individual sovereignty. Your intuition, gut, instincts. Embrace what resonates and release the rest peacefully.

I grew up hearing, and believing, that if you focus on yourself too much, you will always see more and more to complain about. That you will develop a "woe is me" attitude, if you don't look outside of yourself to see other people's needs. I was taught that this leads one to become self-centered, selfish—a narcissist.

Just a minute on this word we throw around lightly—narcissists are a very real, very dangerous group of people. Psychologists are undecided on whether or not their malice is intentional, but those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) lack any empathy, are incapable of introspection and literally feel like they are invisible unless acknowledged by others. They almost have no inner world. They are dangerous because while they need others to feel that they really exist, they resent that need, and destroy those they "need"—death by a thousand cuts. Sometimes literal death. Please, stop calling those you simply find "focused on self", narcissists. (More on this from Doctor Ramani, and ways to navigate actual narcissists, Patrick Teahan, LICSW and Melanie Tonia Evans.) You’ll find a lot of messy labels and statements, like “empaths are codependent” and “only empaths and codependent people fall for narcissists” —again, an oversimplification of things. So, just another reminder that, “everything in quotes is not fact”.

Focusing inward for many of us—particularly those who are introverts, empaths, traumatised or who thrive best in the feminine—is what allows us to restore ourselves, to heal, refuel, so that we're able to be of any value to anyone else. If that's you, I hope this has empowered you to stop apologizing for it, and accept that the quotes calling this "selfish" can't account for your existence. Take what you need—the time, space, energy, self-love. The world only benefits from the overflow of our self-care.

[Adapted from my Instagram post, today — instagram.com/p/CGcJbGEJGP9/?igshid=13k8yc34p4d3d or click to see post.]

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About Crystal-Marie

Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, keynote speaker, two-time best-selling author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her business talks are around mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. She also delivers corporate training around client-centric social media strategy. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rate race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Serve better clients, better. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com