The Soft Life. A Feminine Lifestyle, and More.
/Inspired by this Instagram post, by Rachel Cargle (@rachel.cargle on Instagram). Thank you Rachel, and many thanks to my friend C. for sending it to me and, C. for the conversation about it that sparked this post. I have not read the full article, but her post shares where you can did it. Rachel very clearly states in her post caption that writing this through the black feminist lens is in alignment with her values, and invites you, the reader, to share what it means to you.
A lens born of Intuition
My focus on this blog post is to share the conversation on the soft life, from my lens, with you. As my journey is taking me deeply into intuitive discovery, you will find that what I share is not the “highly researched through external experts” information, but my own intuitive insights. My Intuitive insights that have, time and again, been met with affirmations from people in all walks of life, who have gained the same insights as well. Some also intuitively, some through books and external research, some in conversation where Eureka moments happen. It was so surprising at first, but it's becoming more and more the norm. It is still fascinating to me.
Full disclosure, I had a lot of alone time before I became a mother to begin honouring my intuition. To read and follow others less, and go inward more. At first, as part of slowing down to heal, but then in the discovery that this pace is where I truly thrive. Warren Buffett said 'an empty schedule creates the most productivity' — sounds like an introvert as well — but I've found it to e true of self-discovery and intrinsically inspired creativity as well.
As always, my invitation with this blog post or anything else you encounter, continues to be that in honour of your individual sovereignty, may you embrace what resonates and release what does not.
Where did the Soft Life Go?
A lot of us believe in "hard work pays off" and "the struggle is real" and ideas like that, that come out of slavery and the European caste / socio-economic hierarchy system. Humans, however, are not actually designed for life under stress. These ideas I call brainwashing because they're so pervasive that they’re viewed as fact. Ideas like productivity and economy as critical for our world to survive are all based on profits for a few, and most of us cannot fathom a world beyond that.
Part of the brainwashing has also been to convince us that anyone who isn't "productive" in an economic sense — stay-at-home-mothers / stay-at-home-dads, leisure seekers, gig economy travelers, etcetera — is a "worthless drain on society". That way, we wouldn't dare want to become those people.
On parenting and the Soft Life
Direct economic contribution or not, there is nothing easy about being a full-time parent. Rewarding, worth it, fulfilling, 100%, but not easy. Working parents are not full-time parents, not on the same sense. Ask any Mom who's happy going back to work after being stay-at-home for some time, how it feels that first time going back. Ask the parents who preferred the office after having to work from home beside their children full-time over the past 2-3 years. Working parents love their children, but they are not parenting full-time.
Parenting, however, does not exclude one from the soft life, in the ideal world. No, not the “village raising the child”, as economy would have, but a world where men and women get to raise their children, together, without going off to work to serve the economy. Thanks to the past few years, many are revisiting what really matters.
The stay-at-home-parents who have slowed down, who've become more conscious in their approach to parenting, have removed the rush from their lives, and from their children's. They have been getting to know each other, to find healthy connection and to discover their world again together. Homeschooling has been coming back, too, and the family learns together, in entirely new and creative ways.
The soft life, indeed, for those expanding into the deeper love and connection that is possible when the family gets to be together.
The Return to the Soft Life
The reason we need vacations, and get unwell when we don't take them, is because vacations are the only time when some of us—those of us who still know how to relax—live like we were meant to.
Life on Earth, if we lived for free, would be about creating when you're inspired to, and having fun, adventure or leisure / lazing the rest of the time. The ratio of creating : relaxing would depend on the person's individual cycles or rhythms and whatever else they may be dealing with in life. Once we recover from the strain of life under economy, we would have so much more energy that we would be inspired more than you'd expect, to create. (Those in this economy who truly rest on vacation know the thrill that shows up when they return to creating what they love.) There would be no external pressure, in a society with no transactions. Barter and exchange are still transactions, but in a world truly free, we would see what individuals can truly create in a society that doesn't demand we all be the same.
When we're not under duress, we have better ideas. The trauma of "performing under pressure" as a marketable skill is about desensitizing and dissociation, not actual function from a place of well-being. What we would create would also be in harmony with the Earth, because we would not be creating under pressure or in a hurry. We would be creating out of love, with time to think and feel and listen to our hearts and intuition. There would always be occasional emergencies, where we have to act quickly, create quickly, but we wouldn't be in that mode 24/7, so we would have the energy to make better decisions in those few instances.
The Soft Life and the Feminine
The soft life allows the feminine to relax, and go inward, to create. Mothers, literally, draw the Spirit into the physical. Whether we are mothers or not, women who aren't living in their masculine energy overtime create from within; they can truly hear themselves.
The indulgence of slowing down to acknowledge and enjoy beauty, subtle sensations and subtle energy around us, looks frivolous to the eye trained to view all things feminine as a waste of time in its lack of economic productivity. But to those who've had the opportunity to live this, recognize the life-giving energy that only comes from here. Anyone who's recovered from burnout this way knows there's more than just magic and healing here, but unencumbered power and lifeforce.
The masculine, provides for and protects that creation and the creator. It is why a world ruled by men who don't honour their true divinity, men who disregard the feminine, can only produce via transaction and wars. Genuine, nourishing creativity is stripped in hurried productivity and profit-driven decision-making.
When you diminish the feminine, energy and rest, ebbs and flows, leisure and inspiration, die, and life becomes existence.
Men who honour the feminine in women, and in themselves—we all have yin (feminine, the Self) and yang (masculine, outside of Self)—are able to create, but only when he gets to know himself in that way. To know himself in this way calls him, too, into a soft life of his own. A life of adventure outside of economy. He is not necessarily called to the leisure many feminine women are called to, unless he's burnt out.
This is long, but if you have energy to read, a good eye-opener for me was "The Alphabet versus the Goddess" by Leonard Shlain. Verbose but worth it. I don't I energy to read, honestly, unless I'm intuitively drawn to a particular piece. I have found, since developing my intuition, that the break from consuming information has sharpened my capacity to see, that inexplicable knowing. Not everyone has the same path to intuition, to the soft life and to Self.
May you always follow your own counsel first and last, and above all.
In love, light and shadow, embracing all aspects of ourselves 🌺
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About Crystal-Marie
Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, first, a two-time best-selling author and keynote speaker. She occasionally offers paid virtual keynotes for women and author readings for children. Crystal-Marie's focus is "Authenticity for Gentle Resilience" through self-acceptance, intuition and the feminine, honouring individual sovereignty. Her first children's book, "The Brave Little Puffer Fish Authenticity for Children", has rave reviews and a five-star rating on Amazon. Previously, as strategy consultant, president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowered service and intuition-based professionals, but this service is currently on hold. Connect with Crystal-Marie, if this resonates with you and your audience, at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com
