Funny, this should come on the heels of yesterday's blogpost on Why Self First is so Important. Knowing and putting the Self first helps us to truly hold and honour our boundaries. I think seeing some long time friends in our neighbourhood disappear because of the gossip triggered something. It was just going to be a social media post, but then I thought it could be a good lesson for me to reflect on.

I'm not usually vulnerable about things like this, but if this supports, validates, affirms anyone else who's taking a stand against bullies to teach their little ones to stand up for themselves, by example, I'm happy to have shared. ❤️ Because what I Have noticed is that my daughter and I are being shunned due to this particular bully's gossip, because "we're making it awkward" by taking a stand and cutting them off.

It's where the whole idea of "stop being the victim" comes from, I'm realizing. I wrote about it here, but hadn't considered it for this situation: The people who don't want to feel awkward just want it to go away. When you take a stand, it becomes too real. Sad that the bullying isn't awkward anymore, but a well-boundaried response is. 🤷‍♀️

I've just told my little girl to let it guide who her real friends are, and who they aren't. Not something she should be dealing with at 5, but every lesson can be useful.

My little girl is very gregarious, and with the shutdowns over the past few years, she'd gotten even more so. That means, even if she's had playdates all week, she'd still be ecstatic to see her friends, or anyone she knows, frankly. And I think that's beautiful.

There's a lady in my neighbourhood that I should have shut down years ago, but didn't. Hindsight is 20/20, so I'm not knocking myself for it, but it's come to a point of no return. She has beautiful twin daughters and a genuinely sweet little boy who, sadly, she's used as tools in this situation. I'm teaching my daughter that self-respect means cutting off those who repeatedly disrespect you, especially after you've spoken to them repeatedly.

The final straw was when I told her that her daughter (11+) started asking my (then 4) girly if she had no friends, among other comments, she denied it and, then next day, she turned her back on us while my daughter was heartily greeting them in the quiet early morning. Her second daughter stood glaring at us, so I know they heard her. After that, we stopped greeting them at all.

It's hard for me to treat kids that way, but I will be the example of firm boundaries for my daughter.

Looking back…

Her nonsense began when my girl was really little. She was crying for her Dad at the library, so we were about to leave, and this woman comes and tries to physically take her out of my arms. I had to physically hold her off, after repeatedly saying "no, it's alright" several times.

I hadn't seen her for a while after that, but then we'd meet up at playgrounds in the neighbourhood. Okay.

Now, as one healing from the generation of "stop crying", I let my daughter have her feelings. So when she cries, she gets it all out. So they were leaving and she starts to cry. This woman leaves her children to come back to the playground to walk my daughter home. I thought it was sweet at first, but looking back, it was one of her first attempts to undermine me.

After that she got downright rude. Always when no one's around except us, of course. Also only aware of that now. Looking back it seems like an obsession.

As an example (there are too many) she insulted me for not holding eye-contact while she was speaking to me, at Halloween, as I'm focused on my then toddler on an intersection... you know, as parents should! I mean this woman is scolding me in front of her children. Smh. I just looked at her. The final straw happened shortly after that.

I should have cut this much earlier, with her, but, again, hindsight is 20/20.

If you're dealing with something similar, hope this inspires you to walk before things hit the fan, or that you're inspired to be gentle with yourself, however you deal(t) with it. ❤️

In love, light and shadow, embracing all aspects of ourselves 🌺

On Facebook, on Instagram.

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About Crystal-Marie

Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, first, a two-time best-selling author and keynote speaker. She occasionally offers paid virtual keynotes for women and author readings for children. Crystal-Marie's focus is "Authenticity for Gentle Resilience" through self-acceptance, intuition and the feminine, honouring individual sovereignty. Her first children's book, "The Brave Little Puffer Fish Authenticity for Children", has rave reviews and a five-star rating on Amazon, and she has recently published her second children's book, “Edmus and Ferdmus Leave Home Mindfulness for Children”. Previously, as strategy consultant, president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowered service and intuition-based professionals, but this service is currently on hold. Connect with Crystal-Marie, if this resonates with you and your audience, at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com