Self-acceptance. No need to normalize everything.

Human rights, individual sovereignty, freedom, diversity in general on planet earth, yes, normalize. These are things I had believed were already the norm, until 2020. If you're looking for a cause, I'd say those are noble ones.

(Curve within image, source: https://gkdblog.com/__trashed/, unrelated topic)

Fighting for exotic aspects of ourselves, our insecurities and our unique gems, to be normalized, and imposing them all on others, is not noble. It is a fear response—a toxic by-product of the unhealthy self, born of a toxic society. This is quite separate from the healthy self I share with you in my general blog posts, which leads to healthy society. I understand the fear that says, “if I tell them I'm normal, they'll stop bullying me, trying to change me, disliking me so intently”.

But if you understand that fear also creates the other side of the pendulum—xenophobia, gender-phobia, racism, misogyny, i.e. fear of the unique traits you’re trying to normalize—you would understand why you will only exacerbate it by trying to force those with these fears to “like” those (or any) aspects of ourselves.

Fear produces hate and all the toxic ugliness that comes from it. The only way to stop it, is to stop swinging the pendulum. If you love yourself, and live in a society that honours your human rights judicially, then you do not need everyone to like and accept all that is you.

True self-love accepts that we are not everyone's cup of tea. We embrace genuine compatibility — more on that, here — and, if we are true to ourselves, authentic, we can actually “live and let live”.

My then 2-year-old toddler wouldn't try to knock the apple on the floor if I didn't try to convince her to eat it. Before I offered one too many times, she’d see them—right beside the blueberries—take the blueberries, and go on with her day.

I am mixed race, feminine, a woman by birth (gender), heterosexual (sexuality), an empath and an introvert. Mixed race doesn't sit well with a Lot of pure-raced people. I've come under attack from all kinds of races who were livid that I “thought” I was mixed with their race. Now, I rarely meet those folks, because I've shifted my energy from fear of those repeated experiences to focus on those who celebrate—or are indifferent to—this aspect of myself.

As a sensitive, feminine, introvert and empath, a lot of my relatives roll their eyes (audibly), even though I can see who among them share (and suppress) those traits. And, of course, you can imagine what that was like in corporate workspaces, where assertion trumps gentle confidence—which doesn't waste energy in battle, but in moving as water does, around obstacles. I spent years burning out without realizing that operating outside of the energy you thrive in is not sustainable. I also moved into entrepreneurship—a space I thrive in, and which lets me operate in ways that I uniquely thrive in.

I can delve this way into other facets of each of these, but the point is that if we can reclaim our sense of Self—the true intrinsic self, not the ‘self’ that answers to some external forum—we will find peace in not trying to make personal things judicial matters.

The Activism Trap

To those of us innocently caught up in this, feeling like we’re finally being heard / seen / represented, I invite you to step back and see if (or how) you’re being used to serve another agenda. If you understand adrenaline and our fight / flight response, you’ll recognize that sometimes when a fight is over—and we didn’t get the closure we had expected—another way to prolong the fight may be quite appealing. If we’re honest with ourselves, however, waking up to the lack of closure is a loud cry from yourself, begging you to take the conversation within. This is where true healing begins. A collective force is great, but it is most powerful when the individuals within that collective are healed, whole and have a clear, loving sense of self.

Peace Within

Self. The true knowledge of you, your values, who you are, why you do / see / feel / think as you do, is at the core of all of this. It separates who you truly are, in your own inner capacity to grasp who you are, from the external world and its perspectives—which will never be as important to your well-being as your own views of your Self. As an empath, I can clearly say that I have to take a lot more time away from people, than many, to get grounded and centered. So when I invite you to take the time to set and practice maintaining boundaries that are uniquely healthy for you, know that I do not say that lightly. Explore your passions, your loves, your fears, if you can. Explore why they are what they are. Discover what gets you to a place of true self-acceptance. That is truly healing.

As Always, my invitation

I wrote some time ago that “I have not met anyone who I have gotten to know deeply, who is the same as anyone I had met before. Have you? I wonder why, then, we are still hooked on defining “belonging” as “being the same”?” and I truly hope it moves you to a gentler more compassionate lens on all of this. May you just be. And as always, my invitation continues to be—with what I share or anything else you come across—embrace what resonates and release what does not.

In love, light and shadow, embracing all (healthy) aspects of ourselves.

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About Crystal-Marie

Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is currently a dedicated full-time mom, part-time virtual keynote speaker, two-time best-selling author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her new children's book, "The Brave Little Puffer Fish Authenticity for Children", has gotten rave reviews and a five-star rating on Amazon. Crystal-Marie's business talks invite mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rate race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Live abundantly. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com